Dear Amy: My mother died five years ago.

I financially supported my stepfather for three of those five years, and spent quality time with him.

He met another woman and deliberately hid the fact that he was dating her from me and my sister.

He decided to sell the house I grew up in. He wouldn’t tell me where he was moving to.

Now my sister is angry with me, because I choose not to participate in her family gatherings, which he attends with his new partner.

This man refused to tell me the truth, after I asked him repeatedly.

The members of my mother’s family have disowned me for it.

Am I in the wrong?

– JD

Dear JD: Let’s say that I could somehow magically determine that you are “right.”

Would it then fix things for you to present an Ask Amy Certificate of Rightness™ to your family members?

I doubt it.

So let me sidestep trying to determine whether your behavior is wrong.

This is more a social and family dilemma than an ethical one.

I don’t know why your stepfather is avoiding you.

Perhaps he is worried that you believe he owes you money (because of your previous financial support).

He might be ashamed of some of his own actions, and too embarrassed to face you.

He might be cowardly overall, or legitimately afraid of you.

Your family members seem to have circled the wagons around this man, and your reaction has placed you outside the circle.

If you were open to it – versus only defending your own position – you might take a look around and at least ask yourself what you might be doing to inspire your entire family to disengage from you.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.